Saving You
by Caitlynnn
Summary: Eli has finally reached his breaking point with Clare needing space, and staying away from him. In too deep. *based off of the new promo*
1. Chapter 1

**Did anyone else have a heart ****attack ****after they saw the promo? Oh my God. I died. Anyways, this is dedicated to thesidkidd on Twitter, and on here. She read my story Insomnia(which is completed, btw) and from what I've learned, she's pretty cool. She wanted someone to do a one-shot for this. So that is exactly what I am doing based of what I have seen from the latest promo of Eclare. I have to give myself another heart attack because writing this means I would have to watch he promo numerous times to catch the emotion. Haha.**

**I do not own Saving You by Nickelback, or Degrassi. **

_Prison gates won't open up for me_

_On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'_

_Oh, I reach for you_

_Well I'm terrified of these four walls_

_These iron bars can't hold my soul in_

_All I need is you_

_Come please I'm callin'_

_And oh I scream for you_

_ Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin' _

Things were different now. Although that would be an understatement. What had happen? It was like things had suddenly changed, and that was something Eli was very afraid of.

He thought about the discussion earlier. How she pulled away while he was trying to pull her in. He thought about the bench and how she pushed him off. What was going on? Had he done something wrong?

He never pushed Clare into something she was not willing to do. He stopped whenever she asked. But to stop him from seeing her was another thing.

He hit the steering wheel. What was he suppose to do? A million thoughts were racing in his mind. It was enough to make him go insane. He bit the inside of his cheek, and he tasted the blood.

_Show me what it's like_

_To be the last one standing_

_And teach me wrong from right_

_And I'll show you what I can be_

_Say it for me_

_Say it to me_

_And I'll leave this life behind me_

_Say it if it's worth saving me_

He didn't know where he was going, all he knew was he had to get out of here. Eli was never suicidal, but he couldn't stand losing someone else. He promised himself it wouldn't happen again. If it did, he didn't know what it would do.

He went to therapy, he even had two different counselors, but he was difficult during the sessions. He often left them wanting to know more, or he left them with nothing at all. He was definitely stubborn, but he always thought there was a reason behind it.

He was speeding and he knew it.

_Heaven's gates won't open up for me_

_With these broken wings I'm fallin'_

_And all I see is you_

_These city walls ain't got no love for me_

_I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story_

_And oh I scream for you_

_Come please I'm callin'_

_And all I need from you_

_Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

His phone went off in his pocket. Adam had been calling him all night asking if he was okay. He swore if he called again he would throw his phone out the window. He was so pissed off. He couldn't control everything he was feeling.

He needed to be in control, or he would go insane.

He looked at the caller, and he almost lost it. Clare was on the other line. She was most likely at the dance.

He connected the call but didn't say anything, he let out a breath, so she would know he was listening. He tried to focus on driving without running into people.

But at the moment he didn't care. He just wanted things to be back to where the were. The whole Fitz drama was behind them, now it wasn't Fitz who the problem.

It was Eli.

_Hurry I'm fallin'_

_All I need is you_

_Come please I'm callin'_

_And oh, I scream for you_

_Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

"Eli, you have to listen to me." He didn't say anything. He just breathed. "I'm sorry!" She said. He surprised himself by laughing. "It doesn't matter," He said in a flat voice.

He thought about it. The more he thought about it the more stupid his thoughts got.

He wasn't clingy, he knew that. He handled everything "fine" alone before Clare. He never regretted his time with Clare, but if it was for the better, he would have never gone out with her. But he needed her. And in some way, she needed him.

He really didn't know what to do. He was so trapped in his mind, like he always was. It didn't help that he would come into his room and feel emotionally overwhelmed every time.

Which is why he had Clare to call when that happened. When Clare first found out, she made a promise to him, and she told him to call her whenever he felt that way.

He had just recently started to do what she asked, and now, it was different…and he hated it.

"I just…" She said, her voice breaking up. He went straight. He passed by a few shops. He was most likely going to get pulled over anytime now. He was waiting for it.

Secretly, he was hoping that someone would run into him.

"I don't know what to do." She sighed. He laughed again. "I really do need a break Eli,"

His heart felt like it had been stomped on. Crushed, mangled, torn up right in front of him.

His voiced crack. "You made a promise remember? That's you'd never leave me." A tear was starting to form in his eyes. It would soon be getting to that point where he wouldn't be able to hold it back. But what could he do?

"Eli, I never said we were breaking up!" She was practically yelling over the phone. He cringed a little. "That's not the point!" He said back. He hit the steering wheel in his anger yet again.

He needed to get off the phone. He needed to park the car, he needed to stop somewhere to sort everything out. He needed to talk to Clare face to face. Over the phone would not do justice.

He knew what he wanted to do. And he'd be willing to do it.

"Clare, I have to go," Do something stupid, he wanted to add.

He sped up the accelerator. "Eli, what are you doing?" She asked. She could here from where she was at that he was speeding.

"I'm going somewhere you won't be able to find me." He said, his voice thick, closing in on him.

"Eli! Don't be stupid!" She yelled. He didn't do anything. He just kept going faster, he dodged cars, and a few people honked at him, but he didn't care.

He loved Clare. He wanted to be there for her, protect her. He was making himself look like an idiot doing all this, but he had already lost someone, if he lost someone again, that would be it for him.

"Eli!" She screamed.

"ELI YOU AREN'T LISTENING TO ME!"

He disconnected the phone. He turned the volume up on his radio, pressed down on the accelerator.

He felt the tears roll down his eyes as he closed them.

_ Hurry I'm fallin'_

**I know, this is ost likely not the conversation they had, but that is the way it played in my head. R&R it would make me feel like I'm not the only one dying from that promo. Ahaha. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I had gotten a few alerts for this story. I guess it's a two-shot? Anyways, I don't really like this one…But the song reminded me of Eli.**

**I recommend listening to it if you want the "feel" of the song. It's so…powerful, just like all of her music.**

**This chapter takes place before he tries to commit suicide.**

**I do not own Degrassi. I do not own Breathe Me, Sia.**

He didn't know what to do. The pain he had been holding in had become too much for him. He didn't know how to handle something like this.

Maybe it was better if he died. He had already lost everything he cared about, and Clare was slowly becoming out of reach. Adam had always been there, but Eli didn't want to bother him this time. He had too much on him anyways.

So what was Eli going to do? He couldn't just stand there pacing, worrying.

He hadn't felt numb. It didn't work out that way for him. He went to feeling so high, to crashing.

_Help, I have done it again_

_I have been here many times before_

_Hurt myself again today_

_And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_

He dug into his pocket for his anxiety pills. He felt like a panic attack was coming soon. The last time he had one that pushed him over the edge was when he lost something of Julia's.

He took some pills and popped them dry into his mouth. She was most likely at the dance. He wondered if she had forgotten what day today was. April twenty-second.

Eli had gotten into the car, and tried to keep the thought out. He had gotten so mad at her! He couldn't think straight. He couldn't think why. All he remembered was he killed her.

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

_Unfold me_

_I am small_

_I'm needy_

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me._

He didn't know what to do. He wrote his mom a letter.

Telling her he couldn't take it anymore. He said he was sorry, sorry that he couldn't be a better son. Sorry for all the crimes he did. The letter could have been a twenty page book.

He wrote about all the things he had stolen from her, all the things he lied about. He wrote about how much he really meant to her. The closing of the letter, he wrote, "I'm sorry, I couldn't have gotten better."

He wrote his dad something too. His dad and him, their relationship was something different. They bonded over music, and the love of their women. Bullfrog loved CeCe, treated her right. Eli got that aspect from his dad.

_Ouch I have lost myself again_

_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,_

_Yeah I think that I might break_

_I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

Eli left got of his car, and he put the notes on the table, waiting to be read. His parents were home. They were up in their room though. Throughout the day they asked Eli if he was okay, he shrugged them off, keeping everyone at a distance.

Clare had tried to be there for him, but she didn't know how.

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

_Unfold me_

_I am small_

_I'm needy_

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me_

He got something from the fridge. One of his dad's beers. He was being stupid, he knew that. He had chugged two and he didn't care if his parents saw the bottles. He just wanted to be done.

Eli to sum it up, was a mess.

He stumbled a little to his car, and laughed with no humor.

He was going to try to commit suicide.

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

_Unfold me_

_I am small_

_I'm needy_

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me_

**Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, I know I said a two shot, but now it's a three shot. Last chapter to this. **

**I know this will probably NEVER happen, but this is how I see it in my head.**

**Seriously, I love this song. I honestly suggest you look this song up. It's totally and Eclare song. It moved me to tears and that never happens.**

**I do not own Sarah Jaffe's song,Better Than Nothing. I also do not own Degrassi.**

_How can someone who wants to be loved_

_hate it when they're loved at all?_

_Does guilt really feel that bad?_

_Every time I take a breath, honey_

_I feel the weight fall back on me_

_Somebody tell me it's not so bad_

He hung up on her. She sunk to the ground and curled up into a ball. What was she suppose to do?

He told her she ripped his heart. Maybe she did. She felt like a knife pierced her stomach. It was one of the worst feelings she has ever felt. She didn't know what to do. How to react. What was she suppose to do?

She couldn't breathe being with him, but she didn't want to be without him. She loved him. She just couldn't stand him. He was a handful. She thought she was prepared. She thought she could handle this. But she was just a girl. She had problems.

Everything was coming all at once, and she had no idea how to stop it. She was going insane in her mind. "Stop!" She screamed in the darkness. She secretly wanted to die, too. She was shocked even thinking the thought.

She felt her phone buzz, she was hoping it was Eli. When she saw that it wasn't. She ignored the call. She didn't want to talk to anyone else. She wouldn't be able to hold on to a conversation without breaking down.

Their relationship went to great, to crashing in front of their eyes. For the first time in a long time. She prayed to God. Maybe He was listening.

After twenty minutes, she picked up her phone, and saw that she had sixteen missed calls. All from Adam. She quickly dialed his number and called him back.

"Hey, you called?" She said, her voice hoarse, but with worry.

"Oh my God Clare!" He yelled. "I thought you were in the hospital too." He breathed. "Hospital…Adam what are you talking about?" She sighed.

"You don't know?" he said, exasperated. "No, what?" She almost yelled.

"Someone found Eli's car, and he's in the hospital right now." Adam said.

"Oh my God!" Clare yelled. She got her jacket and was running down the hall. "Is he dead!" She asked. "I don't know…I'm heading over there with Drew right now." She could hear Adam crying, Clare felt the tears rolling down her eyes.

_Collected thoughts drown in sleep_

_I had forgotten what you mean to me_

_I forgot a lot of things_

_What happens to the old girl, what happens to the boy?_

_I see their eyelids moving_

_What happens to the old boy, will he be destroyed?_

_Is this what I'm losing?_

_But I feel, feel_

_But I feel something, oh it's better than nothing_

Physically he was there. But he was absent from the mind. They had put him in a drug induced comatose. He wasn't doing too well.

Wherever Eli was, no one knew. Somewhere.

He had heard people talking. He was half dreaming. He saw glimpses of Julia when she was alive, but then he saw glimpses of Clare. Even in the comatose, his heart started to speed a little bit.

"Stay with us!" One of the doctors said. They knew he couldn't hear them. He looked dead. He might as well have been. His heart had failed a couple times. He overdosed on his pills.

_I've been sleeping in his bed_

_I'm digging in my head_

_He pulls the cash from under the table_

_Take that breath and hold it in_

_Oh it's sidling in, he says_

_It's not so bad_

_Collected thoughts drown in sleep_

_I had forgotten what you mean to me_

_I forgot a lot of things_

Clare, Adam, CeCe, and Bullfrog were all waiting in the waiting room. Bullfrog had tried to crack a few jokes, but it didn't seem to be working. Clare was having a nervous breakdown, and all Adam could do was hold her.

CeCe was mentally beating herself up. She should have seen this coming. He was the type to overdose. He didn't even fall asleep on the wheel. He just pressed on the gas.

She tried not to think of the possibilities, or what it looked like from another point of view. But her only child. Wanted. To. Kill. Himself. CeCe felt like she somehow failed as a parent.

CeCe hadn't cried this hard when she found out he tried to kill himself when Julia died. They thought Eli had gotten better.

He was always stronger than this.

"Mr. Goldsworthy, Mrs. Goldsworthy," The doctor said to the couple. They got up from their seats. So did Clare and Adam. "Can we see him?" CeCe asked. Clare took her arm, and linked it. "Uh, family members only." The doctor said.

"Well, she's family." CeCe said, trying to smile. But she couldn't. She was tired, and exhausted mentally.

"No, you guys go ahead…." Clare said. "Are you sure?" CeCe said. Clare only nodded. The Goldsworthy's left.

Clare was about to pass out.

Adam and Clare sat next to each other again, not saying a word. Clare leaned on Adam's shoulder, he put his arm around her. They had fallen asleep within minutes.

_**Later**_

Eli hadn't gotten up yet. He was still asleep. CeCe and Bullfrog stayed by his bedside all night. They would talk to him, but they knew they wouldn't get a response.

"We can come back later. You need sleep. I have the radio in a hour." Bullfrog looked up at the time. CeCe nodded. She quickly went to Eli.

She removed the hair out of his eyes. There were scratches across his forehead, and scraped on his cheeks. She quickly moved her thumb across them, wanting to make them feel better.

She kissed his forehead, and hands. And she left.

Clare was still there, but Adam had to leave with Drew earlier this morning. It was still dark out by the time CeCe and Bullfrog got back.

Clare was up. She was waiting anxiously for them to come out. She didn't even say anything to them.

She braced herself. They said he looked pretty bandaged up.

When she got into his room. She gasped. He was bandaged up. He had so many scrapes and cuts. She saw the places where he had to have stitches. There was one across his eye.

She remembered last night. What he said. Ripped his heart out. That was all that was echoing in her mind. She collapsed from where she was. She couldn't breathe.

She needed to get her act together. She put away her feelings for a while. She slowly made her way to his bed. There was a chair sitting right next to his bedside. She slowly took one of his hands, and rubbed them softly. Like he would break at any time. Although he probably already did.

His heart started to go high again, but she ignored it.

"I know you can't hear me…" She started out. "But I just…don't want to be without you…" She laid her head on the railings of his bed. She pressed her cheek to it. It was cold on her cheek.

"But if I don't get to tell you ever again…" She said. "I love you."

She got up and hovered over him. Kissing his bruises on his arm. She kissed the cuts on his cheeks, and the scrapes. She slowly kissed his lips. There was still dry blood.

She stared down at him. Hoping he would wake up. He needed to wake up.

_What happens to the old girl, what happens to the boy?_

_I see their eyelids moving_

_What happens to the old boy, will he be destroyed?_

_Is this what I'm losing?_

_But I feel, feel_

_But I feel something, oh it's better than nothing_

**Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I know. I said that the other one was the last chapter. But this is the last chapter. Because Clare and Eli need to have the talk.**

**I'm going to say this now. It's gonna be a settle ending. It's not gonna be all happy. But I will try…No promises. And what I think about this whole Eclare drama…I don't…I think that they will have a break, but I think they will be back together. Because, they seem like that type of couple. Jay and Manny for example ended up together. And Eli and Clare are soooo different from the other couples. Like they're ready for it. Like, they need each other. They just wont admit it.**

**I still love Clare. She's getting a lot of hate. I don't see why. A relationship with Eli would be hard. But I see both sides of the story. Of course I haven't seen the episodes yet. But I still love Eli. I relate.**

**Sorry for the novel.**

**I do not own Degrassi. I also do not own How To Save A Life by the Fray.**

_Step one you say we need to talk_

_He walks you say sit down it's just a talk_

_He smiles politely back at you_

_You stare politely right on through_

_Some sort of window to your right_

_As he goes left and you stay right_

_Between the lines of fear and blame_

_ And you begin to wonder why you came _

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

Within seconds a million things could happen. Within seconds a person could be giving birth, a person could be dying, someone could be getting raped, someone could end up in a car accident.

Two lives collided. Someone living, the other dead. Holly J. had died that night. Eli Goldsworthy ended up in the hospital.

The story went from a drunken Fiona: "I had a fight with my boyfriend…I…I don't remember it clearly…Holly J. found me, and I guess she was…Taking me somewhere…We collided. And…Can I go home?"

They didn't see the car coming, it came out of nowhere. Holly J. tried to turn the other way, but it was too late. They had hit.

Eli had been strangled by his seat belt, Holly J. died instantly. Fiona was bruised a bit. She had some glass, but nothing too bad.

Clare Edwards was sitting on her couch. She was still processing everything from the night before. Adam and her had been at Fiona's all day. Clare was about ready to go to the hospital.

Eli hadn't woken up yet.

She poured her heart out to him that night. She let everything off her chest. She didn't mean to hurt him. She felt like it was karma somehow getting back to her. But she never believed in karma. Perhaps it was fate. She didn't know.

She did know that there was a purpose behind everything. She just had to think what the hell this meant.

She had been thinking about what to say. What to think. What to tell Eli. She didn't want to break up with him. She loved him. She told him numerous times last night. But he was asleep.

Clare was confused. She couldn't have a suicidal boyfriend. It felt like their problems were never going to end. She sincerely needed a break from it all. She was trying to rationalize her thoughts, but that was becoming impossible.

She remembered back to when they went to the abandoned church. How everything went down.

[Flahback]

_Let him know that you know best_

_Cause after all you do know best_

_Try to slip past his defense_

_Without granting innocence_

_Lay down a list of what is wrong_

_The things you've told him all along_

_And pray to God, he hears you_

_And pray to God, he hears you_

Eli had suggested they go back to the abandoned church claiming that he didn't get enough alone time with Clare. She agreed a little hesitant. He had been so moody lately. She had no idea why.

He was a different Eli. Not the guy she had fallen for. So, what had happened?

He treated her like she was some type of trophy. It was both a good thing and bad thing. Eli thought of it differently. He loved her. They hadn't said it. But he showed her. In other ways….

His therapist prescribed him Anxiety Pills and anti depressants. Eli hated taking them. He hated the feeling that he needed to rely on pills to regulate his feelings…He felt, anger.

But that's how it was with these pills. They made him tweak out. The therapist said that at first it would make him more jumpy than normal and that he would have to tell the people he normally talked to for warning.

He hadn't told anyone about it though. He didn't Adam or Clare. He was embarrassed, and to admit, a bit stubborn. No one needed to know.

"So, what do you want to do?" Clare looked at him and tried to smile. But she just wanted to….get out of her.

Eli was fuming over nothing. "What?" He asked. "Well, you brought me here, so…" She looked up at him.

"I figured we could just be together." He said.

Clare cringed. They had been together. Every. Single. Day. She was struggling to get her homework done. She knew about his problems with Julia. It was _the_ month she died. But she needed her time alone.

It didn't help that he called her late at night wondering if she was okay. Yeah, she first thought it was cute. But it was starting to get annoying. Every night he would call. She thought about not answering. But she knew if she did that, he would freak and go to her house. It happened before. She promised she would never do it again.

She felt like a small dog in the grasp of a four year old unwilling to let her go.

She tried to draw away from him a little.

"Okay, we need to talk." She said completely separating herself from him. He looked at her. A little hurt. He felt his pocket for his pills.

"About what?" He asked a bit anxious. Thoughts were clouding his mind. He was trying to even his breathing.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

"I need my space." She said raising her hands in the air like she was giving up.

"What do you mean?" He asked, getting up towards her. He grabbed her wrist, holding them. His grip was strong. He wasn't trying to hurt her. It was just a reaction.

"This," She said looking down at their hands. "Eli, you're hurting me." She said after a while. He automatically let go.

"I feel like I can't breathe." She said. "What are you talking about Edwards?" He said his voice becoming hoarse.

"Eli, you're scaring me." She said backing away.

Eli was starting to pant. He felt a panic attack. "What…" He couldn't breathe. He got his pills out and popped three in. "What is that?" Clare asked. Eli shook his head.

_As he begins to raise his voice_

_You lower yours and grant him one last choice_

_Drive until you lose the road_

_Or break with the ones you've followed_

_He will do one of two things_

_He will admit to everything_

_Or he'll say he's just not the same_

_And you begin to wonder why you came_

"How am I scaring you?" He raised his voice. He balled his hands into a fist. "Don't say that…" He whispered. She pretended like she didn't hear that.

"Eli, you're acting so different and I don't understand!" She said, her voice getting high. He backed away, looking betrayed.

[Present]

Clare sat down next to his bed.

She didn't regret what she said to him that day. It needed to be said. She regretted the way things turned out. She wished things turned out differently.

She felt a tear in her eye whenever she thought about it. She thought about the phone call. When Adam said he was in the hospital. She didn't want him to end up like Julia did.

She felt like that was happening. He had been keeping her in the dark for so long about that. She needed to talk to him about her more often too. They couldn't keep secrets from each other.

She got up and headed over to the cafeteria. She hadn't eaten all day, and her stomach was growling. She was so tired to walk. He feet dragged.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

Eli felt a pain to his chest and that had finally woken him up. He snapped his eyes open. The light was so bright. Had he died? No one was here.

She saw a familiar looking bag. Oh God. Did he kill Clare too?

He balled up his fists. He was such screw up! He couldn't do anything right!

His thoughts started to become coherent. Death shouldn't hurt this much. So he must be alive.

He looked all around him. He was in the hospital. He felt the IV tugging on his arm, and the monitor to his left. He reached up to touch his head and noticed it was wrapped up.

He remembered crashing. He just couldn't remember what had happened after. He felt his ribs and put slight pressure on it.

"Oww!" He said. He left it alone. He laid his head back on his pillow trying to process.

The mental pain started to come back. And he thought the never ending nightmare was over.

_How to save a life_

_How to save a life_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

He felt sick to his stomach. Clare was no longer his neither was Julia. Two of the closets people he loved and cared for. Gone. Gone within his reach in seconds.

He started to worry again. No one would ever love him. His parents probably hated him too. That's the reason why they weren't here. No one was here.

The doctor came in and saw that he was up. "Ahh, I thought I heard a noise. How are you feeling Mr. Goldsworthy?" He shrugged.

The doctor went over to him taking a look at the gash on his head. "Hungry?" She asked. He shrugged again. He could starve for all he cared. He didn't want to do anything.

Clare was finishing up her tea before she went back to his room. She sighed as she threw away the cup. Wishing she could throw away the memory instead.

Clare walked in Eli's room realizing he was awake. He slowly turned towards her. She just stood in her place.

"You're up." She almost smiled. But the almost smiled turned into a frown. He nodded.

She went over to the chair next to his bed. "How are you feeling?" She asked him.

She was scared for his answer. She was scared he couldn't talk. With a sigh he said, "Dead." Which was true. They both felt that way.

"I know the feeling." Clare looked down. She tried to be strong for him. But she broke down again. She rested her head against the metal bar rail on his bed.

Her whole body was shaking. "I'm sorry." Was all Eli heard.

He knew this was his fault. He placed a hand on he head. He noted his fingers in her hair. Not sure what to do.

"Did you know Holly J. died. You guys collided."

Eli felt like throwing up. So he did. The guilt washed over him. He deserved to die. Why couldn't they have traded places!

His monitor to his heart was going crazy. He was panting. "I didn't mean to! I swear!" He yelled.

Clare took his hands. "It's okay. It's okay. I know you didn't mean to. It's okay. No one is holding it against you." She said, the tears dropping on his face.

She rubbed his cheeks trying to calm him down.

After a while he fell asleep again.

When he woke up he looked at her. She was even more tired than before.

"Why are you here?" He asked her in a whisper. She looked up at him. "Because I care about you." She said taking his hand. "There's something else….there's always something else."

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_How to save a life_

"You're breaking up with me." He said when she didn't answer. She looked at him and frowned. "No, I'm not breaking up with you."

She moved some of the hair out of his eyes. "I-" She said but stopped herself. "What?" He asked.

She was going to say I love you. But it didn't seem appropriate. Instead she just stared at him.

"Then what?" He said. He didn't want to know.

"We can talk about this later." She said. "For now, just….Let me hold you." She said. He was shaking.

They had no idea what was going to happen in the future. They had no idea if they even had a future together.

Within seconds, you can ruin and change a life. As of right now. They were doing both.

_How to save a life_

**Okay, last chapter! Tell me what you guys think! I would love to know…Because honestly I think this story sucks. Haha**


	5. Chapter 5

**One more "chapter": **

**So, Drop the World was an emotional roller coaster…. Yes, it was. And I have so many things on my mind from it. I would post this on tumblr, but I only have like five followers that actually watch Degrassi. **

**First of all, I loved Anya in it. I loved the Holly J. and Fiona thing. I'm really glad for that friendship. One thing I'm upset about is Adam. I love that kid. He deserves to have someone who is going to be there for him. **

**Second, the eclare. I…. My thoughts are so out of control with this couple. I don't think I have ever liked a couple on Degrassi as much as I liked eclare. I suppose Dolly J. was a close, but even then it wasn't as much. **

**I think the thing with Eclare is because Munro and Aislinn have such good chemistry, it just works. And another thing, a lot of people are tired of them saying they've had a lot of screen time. Actually, they really haven't. The only episodes with them really in it were Jesus etc., part one and two. That was like their episode, it's just the fans that promote it, plus a lot of the people like them together…**

**Clare- I felt like Clare was out of character. Like the beginning of In Too Deep I saw a change in Clare. I still love her character. But the change really showed in drop the world. Maybe I'll go on to Eli right now cause it'll tie in later. **

**Eli- So, people are saying he's going crazy, he's going nuts. He's insane. He's manipulative, he's a jerk, a dick. Yeah. I got it. I understand. But then again a lot of people who are saying this are either eleven-fourteen. Now, I understand that. But I tend to over-analyze things, its just part of who I am. But, honestly, I don't think he's any of that. I mean all of us are a little crazy. It wouldn't be normal to not be. **

**But I can relate to his character. Very well. I know I say that a lot, but I'm going to keep saying it because I think it needs to be said. Eli isn't perfect. He wont ever be. He has problems. Its called an OCD. Hoarding is an OCD. **

**When I was younger I had a really big problem with hoarding. Mostly because it had to do with the fact that im adopted. And it just ties in. And I remember some moments in my life that I just couldn't give up a toy, give up a piece of trash because it meant so much to me. When I finally did give it up, literally, it felt like I was going to die. The thoughts that entered my mind was, "I'm a bad person. I'm such a bad person. It'll never forgive me." My trash, and my things were like my family to me. And if I lost it, it was like… losing a family member. The pain killed me. My mom started to notice this about when I was seven. **

**I had to get a lot of help from it. But its not something that can go away. By the time I was twelve, my hoarding got worse. My room was small, and trash and really old clothes that didn't fit me anymore was everywhere. I had trash bags surrounding my room, I would never throw it away, I just kind of started to stack it. **

**Long story short, I went through some stuff when I was a kid, and it affected my hoarding even more. I had lost three bestfriends. Two of my best friends in the same year. And like Eli, I started to collect stuff again, afraid that if I let it go, someone I loved was going to die. **

**Now, on with his clinginess. I believe this also has to do with the hoarding. Like with his stuff, hes afraid if he lets it go, that someone will die. I honestly believe he loves Clare, and he wants to make her happy no matter what. And this is why I got so pissed off at Clare in Drop the World. **

**So, when Eli crashed Morty. I was so upset. I was mad at Clare. So mad a her. I mean WHO DOESN'T LOVE MORTY? I love that car. Haha. I actually almost cried over Morty. She hates it? Oh man… lets not go there. **

**Okay so when she hugged him In part two. I am not even kidding I was like, "Bitch really. Don't even effing lead him on like that." (hate me for calling her a bitch, but I swear like a sailor to anyone.) I mean come on! She Gave him hope. He was so surprised. **

**Okay, another flash to the past. **

**I had this friend… named… Let's go with Rachel. (I don't really want to give out her real name) And me and Rachel were best friends. We went through some intense shit together. She stuck it with me through all of my bad times, and I stuck it through with her through all her bad times. Her mom is a good example of being manipulative. No one can beat her mom, I swear. I don't want to give my full life story out, but this plot line is hitting close to home with me. **

**And I loved Rachel more than my own parents (it seemed like) I don't know when, but I decided that I would do anything for her. Slit my wrist? Fine. I'd do it. Hurt myself? Fine. And it got so bad if she asked me to kill myself, I would do it. I was…. Lack of a better word… obsessed with her. It scared the shit out of her mom. (Which believe me is hard to do.) And everyone around me started to notice this huge difference in me. Rachel was taking over my life, my thoughts. My actions. I cancelled everything for her. I cancelled on going to a pretty badass trip with my other friends just so I can hang out with Rachel. **

**When Rachel finally had enough of this, she broke it to me in person that she couldn't hang around me anymore because I was ALWAYS there. I was suffocating her. I was WAYYYYY worse than Eli. **

**We didn't talk for three months. It was the most painful three months It felt like. I tried to off myself from how bad it got. When you dedicate yourself to something, and that something is taken away from you. You don't know what to do with yourself. I lost myself completely when I was with Rachel. Perhaps it had to do with the idea of me losing her. I didn't want that to happen cause like I said, I had lost two best friends in one year. **

**And let me tell you, when Clare did that I knew some crazy shit was going to happen. "I'm a weird kid. I'm going to deal in weird ways." YES. THAT LINE. (let me just say Munro is pretty much my favourite actor. He's so freaking talented.) **

**So, back to the rant. I get that Clare is suppose to be fifteen. (Degrassi time line is kind of warped. I'm pretty sure she's suppose to be sixteen, and Eli seventeen.) And I get that this is too much to handle. I don't blame her. I've been there. I have too many stories behind that. I will spare whoever is reading. But I will say that it is not easy to be with someone who is depressed. My last boyfriend. I feel bad for him. I was emotionally detached from him. But I get her point I really do. I just think things can be handled differently. A lot differently. **

**Now, lets get on to Alli. I am going to be honest. I never liked Alli. I barely even like Sav. I like Ray though! I don't know… Just something about Alli never sat well with me. Like I know she's relatable to a lot of people. But I think she has had a lot of screen time. And I don't think she had any right to give Clare any advice. I mean… her relationships have ended… bad. Johnny, and Drew? Yeah.. When she told Clare that Eli was being manipulative. I was furious. I mean I never really had a best friend that actually stayed with me so I wouldn't know. I was just so pissed off at her.**

**For one, she's never talked to Eli. For two, she JUST started to come back to Degrassi. Three, she's just. Alli. **

**So, I think she should have kept her ass out of it and mind her own damn business. A relationship is TWO people ONLY. And those two people would be Eli and Clare. **

**Hospital scene- this part hurt. I think this scene was sooooo good. Aislinn amazed me. And as well as Munro. But this scene was so good. She looked really good. But in the back of my mind was the line she told Alli. "I'm standing Eli up right now." (or something along the lines) To me, that was very out of character for Clare. I don't think no matter what would Clare ever stand anyone up. And the advice Alli gave? Yeah, not going there again. **

**But the way he was desperately holding on to her. THAT WAS NOT ABUSIVE. There is a huge f*cking difference. HUGE. Did Clare have any scars? No. Was she slapped? No. I don't see any bruises. I don't see any blood or scars. On twitter I saw many convos of Eli being abusive. Bitch, please. You have no idea what being abused means. (if anyone who has ever been abused, I'm really sorry. I will listen. I've gone through that, too.) Eli isn't abusive. If you think he is. You are messed. Look at pictures at people who are. Clare walked out of that hospital flawless. I felt that was brutal. Very brutal of her to do that. I mean…. Ugh.**

**I'm done with this I just have something else to say. **

**I definitely don't think Eclare is over. Nope. A lot of Degrassi couples get back together. They still love each other. I can see it. Don't give up on them. **

**In the mean time, if Clare goes out with Jake, and if Eli goes out with Imogen, I am pretty sure Clare and Eli will get back together if both relationships fail. They just need a break. A really long break. But I don't think they are over. **

**So, does anyone agree? Or anything to say? Haha. I'm sorry that you had to endure that. And if I don't get any reviews or anything I understand. Haha. But I needed to get that off my chest. **

**And to someone who asked me in a direct message, I am fifteen and a junior in highschool.. **

**(For any of you who like my writing and follow me, I am still writing Eclare fics. I just love them.) **

**So, I don't know.. Review? Comment? Express your opinion? Or tell me how much you hate me. I don't care just anything! Ha.**

**Thanks… -Caitlyn, (KaityLoo) **


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